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simik January 12th, 2012 16:45

Grieving 4yo
My mum died suddenly on 2 Jan this year. My little one (4.5) was "ok", this two days she is crying, she cried at nursery today, wet herself in nursery (sat on toilet with clothes on by accident) and today she broke in tears when showering, she was crying so much with such sorrow she went down on her knees. Ive never seen a child like this. I know the rules - not to stop crying but comfort her, not stopping her when talking about her grandma, crying or being sad is normal when ppl die, she is in heaven and she can recieve letters (she sends an angel to get the letter from behind our window). I try my best. She does see me cry sometimes, but I think it is ok. Now to my main problem:

My mum lived just 4 mins from here. We live in a rented flat. The rent is high and because I wanted to take care of my mum (she died in hospital and I was told she could go home in a few days, but she died in three days after they told me she could go home) so I left my work and Im unemployed now. The flat of my mum is exactly the same as we live in (me and my daughter). We like it here, but the rent.

Now I cannot pay bills for two flats, Im broke. I thought we could move to my mums flat (Im the only child), and pay bills that would be just half what we pay now. Thats for financial matters.

I would make my mums bedroom into my daughters room exactly as she has in here (I would paint the walls pink, took all the furniture etc). My initial idea was to leave all the furniture in the other room (living room and my bedroom in one). I would like that because it reminds me of my mum and it would devastate me to give it away. But I dont know whether it is such a good idea concerning my little one - it would remind her of her grandma. It seems she is grieving so much these last days (she wasnt like this before) that it mvkes me think twice.

Now I have two options - stay in this rented flat with high rent and rent the other flat (the flat is not in such good a condition so there isnt so big chance somebody would want = pay bills for two flats for some time but this money I do not have) or to risk it and move to my mums flat, pay lower bills and be ok with money but not so sure abt the grieving process of my little one. If we moved it would be by the end of Feb, so in one month and half, do you think it is time enough to grieve and to "move"?

It tears my heart appart to see my little one grieve so much, its like there would be a shadow over her face last two days :(

tom-fisherman January 13th, 2012 15:38

Shalom in Yeshua simik, I am saddened to here that your daughter is so upset by the passing of your mum, but at the same time I am not surprised. Children can go through the same emotional feelings as adults.

It is very important to ensure that it is her death which is causing her to cry. Are you sure that it not something else, or a combination your mums death and something else. If it is just your mums death, then she needs to be comforted, cuddled and re-assured. Ths may take some time but children are very resilient and things should settle down after a while.

Moving to your mums sounds like a good option, and may comfort your daughter to be in her nans but it depends on your abilty to afford to live there. You must also ask your little one how she feels about it.

I will keep you both in my prayers this weekend.
May God bless you

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