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hazelharris October 26th, 2014 21:37

happy birthday in heaven darren
i celebrate today 22nd oct 54 years since Darren was born -- how grateful i am for that day that you shared your life with me that you loved me and the millions of times you made me laugh made me happy and touched my heart with your calm loving and beautiful soul we are all born with a candle of life some candles sadly may only be for an hour or a day yours illuminated my life until your candle ended 3 years ago but what is left when you emigrated to heaven LOVE and that with all the memories of you will forever be with me the candle has gone out but the light forever shines happy birthday love you for eternity xxxxxx

the 3rd year has passed and i refuse to commemorate the day Darren went to heaven its a date i chose to forget so i celebrate his birthday instead this year i have been more at peace with myself i made many friends on here and they somehow got me through the first traumatic 2 years when they moved on a year ago i was at a loss because we talked every night i relied on their friendship too much and did get very down again but in my heart i know i was thankful that they managed to find happiness again and they could move on so i eventually picked myself up I think looking back we have such a big void in our lives when we lose a loved one that hole of nothingness has to be filled with something meaningful and it needs to be a lasting interest something to look forward to again our lives may be long or short and we have to find some happiness again time wasted can never be regained so look around we are all still surrounded by people family and friends things that have meaning to our lives there's so much that grief blocks out from view As we gradually accept our loss we must grab life again with both hands and carry on i wish you all peace may you always know your loved ones are with you in spirit and my special thanks to friends who were always there and my dear friend Dave who remains a rock of true friendship always there for me and all who need his guiding hand xx

Cammy October 27th, 2014 18:08

Dear hazelharris

I agree with you it is better to celebrate our loved ones birthdays.
I am sure your Dave appreciates it as he watches from above.

I am glad that you have found some peace and appreciate your support when I needed it most.

gumek October 31st, 2014 15:29

never forgotten
dear friend, i cried today when i read your message to darren, three years, where have they gone? i hope those who have gone ahead still get a birthday cake to celebrate with new friends and old ones too, but we will never forget them will we love. I'm with you dear haze in spirit, i remember one night of agony i cried to god, why am i left so alone, that night i had a dream and the lord stood with me on his left and giuls on his right, then the lord said i am here with giuls and i am there with you, you are never alone and heaven is hidden from your eyes but its still close, so be not afraid, i am always with you.
they are just in the next room aren't they love.thank you haze for always being there for all of us even though your heart was ripped in two and you are still there for everyone, i know that darren is very proud of you darling.

sending many hugs and love.

chrissie. xx

hazelharris November 2nd, 2014 06:02

hi chrissie how lovely to hear from you i'm so grateful for your message and to know that you have found such happiness in your life again those 2 years when we all had such a bond of friendship on here was so wonderful even though we were all desperately sad i never forget it and im possitive it held us all together through the saddest days of our lives it wasn't only buzzing in those days with immense sadness but it was buzzing with a band of friends when one was down we all were but we managed to pick one another up.some friends i hear from occassionaly like yourself and it's wonderful to know friends are ok and enjoying life again some don't but it's a place not to look back on to be reminded too much of the sad past when the future is looking so much better but i still care enough about them to think of them all occassionaly and at christmas i will light the candles of love and friendship and one for all our loved ones in heaven you may wonder why i am still here please know i am ok it's just because i never forget that very dark place of desperate grief where nothing in life made sense anymore and it was on here i gradually overcame my grief knowing friends would message me was everything and i can't bare the thought that someone needs a hand of friendship those few words that might make a difference to someone so i come here once a day untill i'm not needed and as it's quiet on here now another band of friends in the future may take over Dave with all his love and kindness continues he is the one who is our rock on the forum and his words continue to touch peoples lives .There are many like yourself remarried and found love again or found a reason to be happy in their lives it gives reassurance to everyone to know there is always a light at the end of grief and gives everone hope and encouragement for the future
love to you hazel xx

gumek November 2nd, 2014 23:42

never forget
dear haze, not hardly a day goes by without you popping into my thoughts, it was a miracle the way we were all drawn to this place. so many tears we all shed and so much laughter too, i still think of the morning the puppies were running around with wallpaper stuck to them, oh love how can we ever stop remembering those times. i remember Roo, that day you threatened to drive pizza over to his house if he didn't try to eat something and of course we all sat with our lit candles at home in silent prayer as he buried his frances. its strange that there doesn't seem to be the same comradeship on here as it was then,or maybe everyone sends private messages now?
i am and will be forever thankful to god because i may have been consumed with loneliness without you guys, our first conversation was at three a.m. that was the start wasn't it love? I've had people ask me why i'm so sure that our guys are in heaven, i just let them know that this isn't all there is, we are more spirit and soul than flesh and blood and we will meet them again. there are also many stories from people who went and came back. i reckon darren and giuls had many a good giggle together watching and listening to us lot, lol.
thank you for your kind words,i am very happy now with my new life and husband, as a pastors wife I'm now doing all the things i dreamed of doing, there are so many needs out there in this broken world and many fears are in hearts for the future, how will things turn out in the end with so much wickedness going on, only god knows what the end will bring.
iwake up about three a.m daily and its the best time of the day to pray, my time to talk with the lord and bring all to his heavenly courts in prayer, drinking hot tea then i sleep again at six for an hour so I'm usually ready for sleep early, this household gets up early every day to pray and seek god in prayer and i look out on here form time to time to pray for the broken hearted.
haze your the best you know,always there for everyone,there is a rainbow somewhere for you too. have a slice of birthday cake for me darling.
always thinking of and will always remember.

sending many hugs

chrissie. xx

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