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magicalmummy February 4th, 2012 13:38

Grieving as an adult for a grandparent
Just over a year ago my Grandma died. Her death was the first time I had ever experienced bereavement. I am in my late twenties. I didn't know what to expect or how or if I would 'grieve', I was even caught off guard when a family friend, who attended her funeral, expressed their condolences to me. I really missed my Grandma in the immediate few months after her death and sometimes the pain I would feel inside would be both mentally and physically draining. I looked for advice in various places on coping mechanisms for grieving for a grandparent. However I feel that the advice I found was not applicable. It is mostly directed at young children losing a grandparent and yet I am a full grown adult. I found very little resources on first time bereavements for adults.

Eventually, several months later I found that I was thinking about my and crying for my grandmother less and less often.Yet I still do not know what to expect to a degree. I am hoping that by posting on this forum, there may be others who can identify with me.

tom-fisherman February 5th, 2012 08:47

Shalom in Yeshua magicalmummy, welcome to the forum. I am happy you found us. I am sorry for the loss of you Grandma.

When we loose a loved one the 'age thing' means nothing. We are rarely prepared for the wave of emotions and feelings we the experience however old we are. We are all different but in many respects we are all the same when it comes to death. We all hurt and then we all then think about our own mortality. Some don't feel anything, others cry, while others feel there is something wrong with them for not crying. This whole range of emotions and feelings are quite normal.

What you need to do is talk about her. Talk to your family tell them how you feel. If you have no family you can do this with, then do it here. We have all one thing in common. We have all lost loved ones, know how you feel and we all want to help you understand yourself.

May God bless you

ginahunt3 February 14th, 2012 01:36

I know what u mean. I am almost 40 yrs old and I lost my Grandma in 2005 and Grandpa in 2008. Even after all this time I still cry almost every night. Sometimes I think to myself that as old as I am I should be coping with it better. I feel like a child. It does get easier to live without them but they are always in my thoughts. It hasn't been as long for you as it has for me but I do know it took well over a year for me to be able to accept it and live my life with a sense on normalcy. I hope you can eventually overcome this feeling and are able to find a way to live with your feelings and know that nobody grieves the same way. As for me I am now dealing with my stepdad passing on January 25. It was so fast. He was diagnosed the first week of January and 3 weeks later he was gone. Then on February 9 my dog passed away suddenly. He was fine in the morning and gone in the evening. I am an animal lover. He was part of my family so it's been rough for me. Sorry for getting off topic. I'm devastated right now. Anyway I hope I've helped and feel free to PM me if you ever need an ear.

magicalmummy February 19th, 2012 13:24

Thank you for your responses. It has been a great comfort to know that I do not go through these feelings alone. I managed to get through the day of her anniversary although not without lots of tears. I found it strange because previous to her anniversary I had reached a stage where I could mention that she had died without crying. On the day of her anniversary I struggled to say that she had died and would broke down when people were asking me if I was okay. But the next day I could say it without crying. it was strange really.

sn-barry March 13th, 2012 01:15

Advice please :(

Thank you all for sharing your heartfelt experiences with your grand parents. I am very new to grieving for my grandmother (who I am extremely close to). She has not passed as of yet, however she is in her final stage of Lung Cancer. This experience has been so hard on me, as I know it has also been on my nan. I am having to deal with my grief in watching her suffer, on my own, as my family have long fallen out. I cannot eat or sleep. I'm currently studying, however I cannot focus whatsoever on my subjects. All I can think of is my nan. Does anyone have any advice for how I can cope with this?

Thank you all for listening & sharing.

tom-fisherman March 21st, 2012 10:51

Shalom in Yeshua sn-barry, I am so sorry that your post and gone unnoticed. Had I not been away on holiday I would have replied.

I am sorry to hear about your nans condition and even more so that you are on your own going through this. Watching someone deteriorate before your eyes is particularly painful. I know I have been where you are now.

Know that I have already said a prayer for both you and your nan, and also know that I am here for you when she does go home. Please start a new thread when she does go home and tell us all about her. If you prefare you can send me a private message which I will reply to.

May God bless you

JAWS April 1st, 2012 18:39

So sad
Today is my first day back home after my believed PaPa's memorial. It's so hard. I have to parent and tend to my toddlers, but can't. Reading these posts makes me cry. Soon, I can tell the story of our last three weeks. But until then, I will just read others posts for support.

tom-fisherman April 2nd, 2012 11:31

Shalom in Yeshua Jaws, Welcome to the forum. I am sorry that you are so sad right now and look forward to reading your post when you are ready to start one. Quite often tears of sadness can in time turn into tears of joy.

May God bless you

mamawsgal September 2nd, 2012 20:24

I read your post and I can really understand where you are coming from. I am 30 years old and my Mamaw has interstitial lung disease (pulmonary fibrosis). I have never had to cope with losing a loved one so close to me.She is in hospice care right now and they've said she has about 10 days. I'm finding that lots of strange thing are triggering me to cry. I feel very sad and a bit lost. Glad to have found someone who understands how I feel right now.

tom-fisherman September 3rd, 2012 11:46

Shalom in Yeshua mamawsgal, welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear about your mamaw is so ill. Know that I have already said a prayer for you to be comforted at this time.

It is very painful watching a loved one slip over into the next life. While for believer it is a release of the spirit into a wonderful realm. I pray that your mamaw, finds comfort and peace.

Please come and talk to us after she has gone home. We will listen and offer you love and support in you time of need.

May God bless you

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