lost my beautiful son
hi all,just want to tell you that on the 14th of feb ,11 days ago,my son took his own life ,and it was his birthday he would be 24.I am so numb gutted and so very very sad.he hung himself,just cant believe it .we didnt see it coming.he,s left so much hurt pain and sorrow behind when he left us.what do you do ....really dont know what to do, feel so sad...and ther are so many what ifs going around in my head..
Searching into the background of depression & suicide
My dear sister in spirit, Joanna - what a terrible shock for you! My heart goes out to you and before doing anything else, I feel the need to take you very, very gently into my loving arms and give you a great big healing hug. There is no doubt in my mind that your son by now is safe and sound in the world of spirit, because there is nowhere else for any one of us to go, when we depart from this plane of life. Clearly, your son must have felt severely depressed about something or he would not have ended his present lifetime by his own hand.
In my view, to make any progress on the theme of depression and suicide, to my mind, one needs to look for the possible causes of this condition and start to dig for its roots. In all likelihood they are reaching much further back in time than could be imagined by observers who only look at the surface of life. What we need first and foremost is a fresh understanding of the purpose and meaning of this life. Then take a careful look at the way most of us are now living in societies that to a large extent have lost their spiritual centre and focus of life. Although some of us are slowly regaining theirs, there are a great many who do not even know why they are in this life and what they are meant to do.
The Rabbi Yehuda Ashlay 1884-1954, who wrote under the name Baal HaSulam said in his ‘Freedom of Will’: ‘We are born into a family we did not choose. We are also raised in an environment we did not choose. In ‘Attaining The Worlds Beyond’ Michael Laitman, Kabbalist, Founder and President of Ashlag Research Institute. writes: ‘Against your will you are born, against your will do you live, and against your will you will die...’
‘We continue to grow and develop in an environment not of our choosing. During this growth and development stage we are sculpted by the environment and our own genetic attributes until we are able to begin processing various choices available to us. We may think we have Free Will since we are able to choose what we want to eat, drink, which friends to have, what we wear, or what is our stand on environmental issues. However, choices we make and inclinations we have come from society and genes and we are ultimately influenced by them, no matter which way we turn to. Where is free will then?’
There is more in this vein, but I imagine you get the drift. Everybody can only write from their own perception of life and what a bleak and cheerless picture the two men are painting, while they are trapped in the beliefs and dogmas of their religion. I know from first hand experience what a gloomy, sad and depressing existence one leads for as long as one still looks at it from the blinkered view that it is a one-off thing. It is a state of being in which the human soul and spirit feel like trapped in a dark box from which there is no escape. This is a dungeon of despair that is entirely of one’s own making, if ever there was one. The walls of this prison consist of all the false beliefs and prejudices about God, ourselves and our reality, which our earthly personality has accumulated in the course of many lifetimes.
In that impoverished state the world is indeed a very threatening and frightening place, in which one feels hopelessly and helplessly subject to the forces of a frequently unkind destiny, which one does not understand. God and the Angels are the only ones who know for how many lifetimes any soul already has been in this position. Is it any wonder that depression is so widespread and causing such severe problems to so many?
Sounds discouraging, doesn’t it? But take heart! For every human being the moment finally comes when the first glimmer of light appears in the deepest darkest hours of the night of its soul. As our spirit and soul comes alive and our earthly self slowly emerges from its spiritual slumbers, we begin to realise that there is much more to Earth life than that which can only be seen on its surface. Catching our first glimpses of other realities and dimensions, a new perception of life sneaks into our consciousness and opens it up.
We become aware that the things that are invisible to earthly eyes are of far greater importance than everything that takes place in our material existence. To our astonishment we discover that God and the Angels really do exist on the higher and highest levels of life and that that this is humankind’s true home. With increasing clarity we then understand that God and the Angels are something much greater and far more beautiful than anyone on the Earth in previous ages could have imagined. They are part of everybody’s own true eternal reality, very real and not merely creatures or beings from pathetic tales for people who are a bit soft in their heads.
More relief arrives as the soul becomes increasingly aware that life is a continuum that has no beginning and no end, when it understands that time and again it returns to Earth life and from the moment of its creation from the heartmind of God, until its final reunification with its source, invisible companions are unfailingly by its side. They never leave any of us. Safely they take us into each earthly sojourn and out of it again and in truth none of us is ever alone on the Earth plane or any other level of life.
From ‘The Spiritual Aspects of Depression and Suicide’
With love and light,
It deeply saddens me when I read life stories about how they lost their sons/daughter because of suicide. Its not suppose to be that way, children are suppose to bury their parents and not the other way around. I did't not lose my son, when we sense that someone was wrong and he was acting a bit off and was troubled at times we immediately sought counseling. As he was on therapy, I kept on thinking of how it would be if we didn't catch his near suicidal behavior. I would have lost him and I can't live without my son. :(
My heart breaks for your loss. Iam so sorry to hear of you losing your son.
You have come to the right place though. You are in a realm of Kindred spirits and we can all Sympathize with your deep loss.
It is indeed a deep blow for a child to pass before their parents do..
I have dealt with something similar with a good close friend but not my child.. so I can't even imagine your pain right now..
Joanna ...I did find that there was alot of things you can't control in this life and unfortunately ....No matter how long and hard you search for a reason, you won't be able to answer the "WHY" that haunts you over your son's loss.
As his mother trying to cope with his death, you probably have already experienced anger... directed at your son – "How could he do this to me?" You may have found yourself angry with God for "allowing this to happen". Your anger may be directed at yourself – "What could I have done?" or "Why wasn't I there?" or feeling a Heavy GUILT – "IF ONLY I'D DONE SOMETHING MORE" This is normal and please understand the grief process especially in your deep loss is going to sometimes be illogical and very unpredictable .
Unfortunately you will drive yourself crazy trying to find an answer. When there may not be one .. It could have been a combination of other circumstances could have precipitated suicide, or it could have been a response to a physiological depression. Your son could find no solution other than death. to end his unbearable suffering ... The reasons are individual, regardless of the generalisations about the "whys", and there may be no way you will completely understand your son's thought process at that time. Which will frustrate you forever..
The not knowing is the hardest part... Why someone would give up... Unfortunately we never will know for sure.. That makes the people left behind pain even harder to work through.
I hope you and your family are looking into counselling if it is financially available to you...You will need help to pick up the pieces and there are people who will share your sorrow and help you see things more clearly.
Again Joanna I wish you peace for your broken heart. I'm so sorry for your loss.
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