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missvegas8686 June 3rd, 2010 23:58

missing my dad.
I lost my dad at the age of 21 to brain, lung, and bladder cancer. I feel like it has impacted my life more than any one in my family. I don't know if anyone really knows what its like to watch a parent die in the house you grew up in. Its crushing. I just really need someone to relate to. a friend would be great to have to get through this time. Although its only been 2 years since his passing, sometimes it seems to get easier. Sometimes it seems to get harder. Can anyone relate? :/

Confused88 August 17th, 2012 09:55

hey missvegas,

i guess i can relate to you, very much. My father also died when I was 21, to cancer.This is 3 years ago now. I suppose, itīs somewhat different for each person.
Still, I also feel that my fatherīs death has impacted my own life more than my motherīs or older sisterīs and most of all: longer, as Iīm STILL trying to only understand and to deal.
Thatīs because at first when it happened, I thought I was "dealing" but I actually didnīt deal with it, I avoided the subject for every cause possible.
And actually "forgot" about it for a long time. I forgot about my fatherīs existence.

Only now Iīm starting to understand.
I beliebe that if he would have died more suddenly and more peacefully I would have been able to actually SEE the loss and actually FEEL it. I wouldnīt have had a choice.

But the way it was, just like with you, I watched my father slowly die in the household Iīve lived for all my 21 years before.
I watched him slowly, painfully fade away. It was, as you say, CRUSHING.
It was horrible. When after years I finally remembered, it felt like remembering a horror movie I had once lived in. A horror movie that lasted one year. He was in pain, in despair, fighting with my mother even and in great fear.
I COULDNīT remember him this way. I couldnīt. So something inside of me decided it would be easier to delete his memory all at once.

But Im only now starting to really see it.

People say itīs harder to lose someone quickly. I canīt quite agree. I think watching my father suffer and slowly die for the period of one year made me numb in advance so when it happened I was already completely exhausted, confused, pained, I couldnīt really understand what happened there.
I think if it there wouldnīt have been the year of suffering in advance I would have been able to see my loss. See what happened. And react accordingly.

How was it like for you? How long was your father ill for? How was the situation at home? (if you want to write about it, that is)

heavenlygirl November 10th, 2012 11:30

Have you thought about a small memorial to remember your dad? I think it makes a big difference - or it did for me anyways. They have beautiful keepsakes that will hold a small tribute to your dad that you can wear every day. I did a search for 'dad' but you there's a lot to choose from. Sending you hugs!
dad keepsake jewelry

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