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cal821 April 3rd, 2012 19:00

The note...
While I was doing some spring cleaning at my home I came across a card for my Late wife Tammy. In it was a hand written note... that I had written to her several years back.

Tammy and I were together for almost 12 years... 4 years of dating and almost 8 years of marriage. She unfotunately passed on 1 month before our eighth wedding anniversary... She was everything to me.. My best friend.. my soul mate.... the mother of our beautiful children......she completed my life... I couldn't have asked for things to be better in my life. I was going to give it to her on our anniversary and never got the chance to...

As I read this note again after these years... it took on a new meaning for me..
It took me back to a time when joy was in my heart..... the memory brought me back to when I first wrote the note, and the words flowed easily. Basically it was the top things I was grateful for about my wife Tammy..
My way of simplifying my gratitude to her for who she was and everything about her..

Her height
Her beauty
Her joi de vivre
Her cookies
Her good sense of humor
The way we can laugh together at things we know are funny, even though other people may not think so
Our history together
Her persistence
Her temper
The way we complement each other to make a great team
Her creativity
She finds me sexy
Her brilliance
Her innovative meals
Her good cooking
Her ice cream experiments
Her excitement for simple things
Her ability to make friends for us
Her long legs
The way she loves our children
Her laugh
She finds me funny
Her undying love for me
Her undying love for Target and Walmart( LOL)
The smell of her skin
Her ability to absorb large amounts of information quickly
Her quick reading skills
The way she reads things for me and summarizes so we can decide if it's garbage or not
She is one of the most observant people I've ever met
Her sexy body
Her energy
Our future together, sitting on a front porch together when we're old - I thought that was the way it was to be
Her ability to pick just the right gift
Her sense of style
The amazing way she cares for our children
All the tedious things she does for our home
The way she puts up with me
The way she starts crying when she talks about the distance between her best friend and us
Her picture-perfect teeth
Her good hygiene
She knows the lyrics to some pretty obscure oldies
The sound of her voice
Her enthusiasm
The way she knows about things months, sometimes years before they are ubiquitous
Her multi-colored hazel eyes
Her name
Her imagination
Her ability to turn a boring story into a captivating one
Her cynicism
Our friendship
Her safe driving record
Her poor (although improving) spatial skills
The way she loves my family
Her love of people, in general
Her guidance
Her flowing locks
Each and every one of her toes
The way she knows more about cars than I do
The amazing grace she exhibited while giving birth to our children
Her not being like her crazy family
The way she knows the names of obscure clothing and food items
Her impeccable memory
The slight bump in her nose that she is paranoid about
Her sentimentality
Her love for all things tiny
Her independence
Her optimism
Our mutual love for bad television
Our mutual respect for each other
Her seasonal love of ice cream
Her patience, when it matters most
Her impatience, when it is appropriate
Her sense of self
Her sense of self-worth
The way her jaw drops when she falls asleep in the car
The way she drools when she falls asleep anywhere
The way she'll drive when I really don't feel like it
The way she can create an anniversary card in less than five minutes
Her insatiable appetite for belly buttons... oh wait, that's my insatiable appetite for belly buttons... Her ability to provide me with one sexy belly button
Our crazy little family
Fudge-like brownies
All those freckles
The way we somehow always knew we would end up together, even when we weren't speaking to each other
The way she has improved her timing abilities such that we are hardly ever late for anything anymore, even with a baby in tow
Her good complexion
Her love of those off-kilter movies like Hudson Hawk
Her kindness
She's most often not a girly-girl, but sometimes she can be
She's her own show, folks. She's her own show.
Her thoughtfulness
Her tact
The fact that we made a "No whining" rule when we started dating and we've pretty much stuck to it for all this time
The way she can calm down our daughters when I've tried and failed
The way we can communicate without speaking in full sentences or thoughts
The way we can spend all of our time together and not get tired of each other
And yes, I love her so much I can never stay mad at her and damn it she knows it ...

As I re -read this note it brought tears to my eyes ... but not in a bad way.. It brought tears of gratitude...understanding and acceptance...

Gratitude for everything Tammy was and is .. I looked back on that list that was written from my heart and I wouldn't change the way things have turned out.. Unfortunate as they were and are.. Because I was blessed.. I can honestly say the time I had with her gives me such gratitude to her for her time... her love... her presence in my life ... that is ever encompassing through this life...

I have known true love... of a person who will forever be etched into my heart and mind. A gift of memories and experiences that touched my soul, helped me grow as a person... that brought meaning and purpose to my life. Even though I could have done without all the pain her loss brought me.. I still wouldn't have missed the dance.

The Dance by (Garth Brookes)...

"The Dance"

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared beneath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I the king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance

Thank you Tammy Lynn( 1970-2008 ) for being you...
and I still love and miss every one of those things I said in my list as I did then and do now..

Dave( Cal821 )

hazel April 4th, 2012 08:44

hi dave bit down today and uplifted to read your wonderful memorial to tammy such love there now i know why you are so compassionate to others in their grieving you know what love means and the devastation of loss. what a beautiful woman she is (not was )as her love beauty and presence is here with sad for those who never in their lives find this love the world would be a better place.i am going to write down in my diary all the wonderful gifts of love my darren gave to me i shall be surely blessed if my list can be anything as long as yours.
some of us never needed reminding to tell our loved ones how we feel but on my wall for 10 years i have had a poem you cannot read your tombstone when your dead and i have given a copy to people in the past to remind them to tell their loved ones how they feel that's why i said it to him every day i can't share it on this site as some may feel down that they hadn't said they loved their partner enough times.thanks for sharing you and tammys love with me she was certainly sent to you from heaven you must have been a wonderful couple to know and be with her love shines down on you from heaven hazel

tom-fisherman April 4th, 2012 11:53

Shalom in Yeshua Dave, I agree with Hazel. What a lovely memorial you have made to Tammy.

May God bless her, you and your children.

cal821 April 4th, 2012 12:43

Thank you
Thank you Hazel and Tom for your kind comments.
Tammy is a beautiful person and I just felt bad she never got a chance to read the note. But I'm quite sure she knew my feeling from my heart for her.

I know that the feelings Gratitude,Love, Acceptance and Understanding will one day soon come to all of us here ... In time this will come true for all of us who have lost someone or something so special that has touched our heart and soul's.. We are only here ourselves for just a short while...

In the future ...One day the pain will stop... We will be able to Reminisce without bursting into sad tears.. Our hearts will swell with Love..Admiration..and Appreciation of our loved ones and the roles they played in our lives while they were here.. The lessons they taught us are forever etched on our heart & soul's.

One day.... One day...


gumek April 5th, 2012 15:47

rhe note
Hello Dave, I have just read your words of love and devotion to Tammy. And I wanted to say thankyou so much. I haven't put pen to paper but about a week before my man passed, one evening he asked me if he had been a good husband to me. I was shocked and tried with all my strength not to show it. At this stage it was too painfull for him to be hugged and so we sat together as close as we could,( I hid my tears. although we knew, this was our last chance to talk and say the things that we always thought we had a lifetime to say. I told him all that he meant to me and that he was my life. that he had come into my life and had caused my life to turn around, he was my strength, my teacher, my protection, my lover, he was the one who would stand up and say NO to me when I needed to be put in my place. Giuls had the darkest eyes that told a thousand stories, they could pierce deep down into your soul and yet when he smiled they crinkled up, you know? and he couldn't stay angry with me for long. If I said that we had a perfect marriage that wouldn;t be true, but we were so compatable in so many ways. And yes we would look across at each other and without a spoken word the other would answer. And we never questioned this, just thought it normal. When one half of a whole goes home early, Giuls was 63, somehow the other half has to some how carry on, make a new life. But when someone first said that to me, well I was quite annoyed, that's putting it mildly, even though we know it's true, it hurts, dose'nt it?
We did get to say our final earthy goodbye at the hospital on 7th Dec 2011, we held hands and he said I'll be waiting, I love you and I will miss you then I asked him, "Do you want to go home now? he said yes, we prayed a prayer and Gods angels carried him away at once. This had helped me greatly cos for a while I felt abandoned, alone, unloved and forgotten,one more thing, maybe we can still tell them how loved and precious they were and are and ever will be to us. God Bless.:)


hazel April 5th, 2012 17:52

hi dave i had to come back on your site and read again your wonderful words about tammy i feel i know so much about her i know she is looking down on us and she knows through her love and all that she was is helping us all i'm in awe that she knew more about cars than you or do you know nothing about them she must have made your home a wonderful happy place to be. i was saddened to read about the accident it must have been horrific my best friend who died 2 years ago lost her son and grandson in a car accident and her husband died of shock 6 days after to lose someone suddenly like that i can imagine all the hell in your mind and all the if onlys that must go round your head. chrissies story of her words to her husband was very moving i couldn't talk to darren like that as he was always in denial so i talk to him now.i have just had a thought perhaps all our loved ones in heaven from this site are all together looking at all the things we are saying and are up there talking about their lives on earth with us tammy so proud of you with all those wonderful things you said about her and probably joking about it with her personality i'm sure she will be making everyone smile to be loved like that is a most wonderful gift hazel

gumek April 5th, 2012 18:26

hello Hazel, hope it's OK to reply, Daves story of Tammy was so heart rending and I have read your srory too, I'm sorry love for your loss. This forum is a God send I reckon. I have also wondered if our loved ones can speak to each other about us, as they are now close to each other, we also have now become close. Do they see us when we are so so sad and try to console us? I do hope so. May God allow them to speak to us in our dreams.

love and God bless

cal821 April 9th, 2012 14:55

No worries
Just wanted to say that is no problem.. I appreciate both of your comments Hazel and Chrissie.

Dave ( Cal821 )

Oonagh June 7th, 2012 19:45

Hello Cal,

I've just read your wonderful tribute to your wife and all I can say is WOW! She was some lady :) If my husband had written a list as long as that about me I'd be over the moon! How fantastic that you met this lovely lady and got to spend almost 12 years with her. You were obviously both deeply in love and I bet you have lots of happy memories to remember her by. I like the way you put some really funny reasons why you love her :) Her Ice cream experiments? The way her jaw drops open when she falls asleep in the car :) ( my husband used to say that about me too). The way she drools when she falls asleep anywhere lol. Sounds like you two had a great sense of humour.
What a wonderful tribute to her and if mine is only a quarter of the length ( when I pass on) then I'd be a happy bunny. I'm sure she knows how you still feel about her and is watching you from wherever she is and smiling.

God bless, Gail xx

cal821 June 7th, 2012 23:56

Thank you
Gail thank you for your kind comments... They are greatly appreciated.. And yes Tammy is and was exactly as I described her qualities I loved about her.. She was that and much more and still to this day I have not met anyone who even came close to her sense of humor and the warm smile that made a total stranger feel like they were family.. She was definitely one of a kind and I was very honored & blessed to have had her in my life.

Take care and thank you once again for your kind comments...

Cal821( Dave )

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