How do you move forward without one of your children?
I have or had 3 children. 2 boys and 1 girl.
My youngest boy at the age of 17 was "accidentally" shot by his best friend. Why the quotes? While it may have been an accident as in he didn't aim the gun with the intent to shoot my son, he did have a gun. Why did he have a gun? Who knows. All I know is the night of August 4, 2009 changed my life forever.
I miss my son terribly every day. Some days it takes everything out of me just to open my eyes. I carry on for the simple fact I have 2 other children that need me. While one of them is an adult, the youngest one is a teen.
It's hard for me to always express how I feel because I do not want to be a burden to my children. My son Patrick John (PJ) died 3 days before my oldest son Christopher's 19th birthday. Chris has told me he will never be able to enjoy his birthday again.
My daughter Amanda was only 13 when her brother died. He was her best friend and confidant. She is angry and misses him so much.
I do have friends that understand I have what we now refer to as PJ days. PJ was such a happy outgoing child. He would do anything for anyone.
He was the caretaker of our family. He always remembered my birthday and mother's day. He was at the dinner table for every holiday and always was concerned that I was ok.
The night my son died, I wanted to be with him. I have panic attacks and fear for my other children. If one of my children can die so easily what's to say it won't happen again? Sometimes I become overbearing and extremely overprotective of them.
I go to the cemetery and I don't want to leave. I have PJ's pictures everywhere in my house.
I have 2 good weeks followed by 1 bad week. People say it gets better. It doesn't get better and it doesn't become easier.
It is almost 2 years since he's been gone and it feels like it was just yesterday.