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Old December 4th, 2015, 11:48
cal821 cal821 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 477
Default Additional suggestive advice

Having gone thru all the "firsts", the holidays are now approching once agian and for many it is just the worst of the worst because of the total attachment to traditions we formed in our years as a family. The holidays mean different things to different people, some it's the crazy shopping, the perfect gifts, the expectations of trying to fill that emptiness that was left by losing our spouse with overindulgence with childrens presents, a "Daddy's or Mommy's... not here so I must make this a wonderful Christmas" mindset..and then all the stresses of those expectations hit. How to get thru them??

Don't try to fill your cup of emotions with "things". I made it thru the first year by looking at them as what they are suppose to be..Thanksgiving..a day of thanks..for all we have, not what we've lost. Did the traditional dinner, with family and friends and yes, it did hurt some, but dinner at home was our tradition and I will continue to cook it, the smells are the wonderful memories of the past while giving thanks to the present.

Christmas..looking past our loss and giving others the gift of "time", the sharing, the carefully selected gift if gift giving is part of your routine, being gentle with yourself, it is just a day, it will feel different than the past years, it will be different than past years. Expect it, feel it, but most of all, don't sweat it. Surround yourselves with what brings YOU joy, family, friends, caroling, helping at a shelter, adopt a family if your so inclined, we have suffered a huge loss in our lives but we can find a way to feel not so dysfuctional if we look beyond the "traditional whats expected" mode. Keep the stress level low and breathe. Do what feels right to you.

As always I wish you peace for your shattered heart.
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

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