Just finished reading your post and a partly agree with what you said. I have been seeing a therapist since march 2102, 2 months after Jim died. She recently diagnosed me with complicated grief. I do not and will not take medication for this and cope in my own way. I believe that there is no timeline for this journey and all the stages of grief and not seperate from one another. I go through the stages sometimes alone and sometimes together. I have learned to do things that feel right for me. I fet up everyday and do what I need to do, whether it is going shopping, paying bills visiting my granddaughter or going to work. I laugh at work and smile when I am with my grandaughter. I go out once in a while for dinner with friends and talk about life which includes discussion and memories of mmy husband. I talk to Jim all the time whether it is in bed at night, across the kitchen table, or in the car. I let him know what is happening in my life and ask him for help to get me through the day. At the same time most nights I have a meltdown where I cry, sometimes yell and scream and have this feeling like I want to punch the wall or throw aomething. (I don't do this because I would probably break my hand and would have to clean up the mess). I ask Jim on a daily basis to come home that the joke is over and that I need him to go on. But I get up the next morning and go on. I am still angry with God and I tell him so on a daily basis.
Everyone copes differently and my therapist and Rabbi say it is ok to feel like I do.
Thank you for all your posts, they really stop and make me think. Sometimes about things I don't want to face.