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Old June 4th, 2012, 14:23
cal821 cal821 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 477
Default "Trying to Deal with the Surreal Suspended Animation Feeling" in day to day existence...

As always I post my thoughts not to be inflamatory but to facilitate thought on the subject. You decide on the information .. if it rings true within you or if it's rubbish....

Just some of my thoughts ... Please feel free to read on....

Do any of you feel like since you've been grieving you've sort of lost time?

I myself was 43 when the accident happened and now I'm 47 and it just seems strange.

Like I lost almost 4 years of my life. Like part of me was in some cryogenic state of suspension for almost 4 years. It's like I still think of myself at the age/time I was when the accident happened.
I keep having this feeling like "How did I get here?" Like driving your car, arriving at your destination but not remembering the actual drive. Such a strange feeling..... It seems like yesterday and yet so much has changed.
Maybe just not for my wife Tammy's life, but my life also. Just one devastating day in my life.
So this has become a little obsession of mine to find the answers to this weird paradox for me.... and from what I have read and researched this is sometimes a common accurance with widows and widowers.. Even as we go through the motions of our day to day existence and working on our journey into trying to find purpose, meaning, understanding and closure..

There seems to be a time gap... even though we remember the bad days when we couldn't stop crying in the early part of our grief.. The the first anniversary comes along and You may not be able to start counting the ok moments...the "ok" days... but you might start the counting "since my loved one was with me..."

You also may not be able to check off any of the "You know you were getting better when..." things, but you can look back and see differences...two steps forward, different number of steps back...mostly still one foot in front of the altering, brain altering, heart altering...Time altering

It's coming up to the anniversary of the MVA that took Tammy and now even more than ever.. I feel a strange pull to that date...
Weird in one sense that.... Sometimes it's like it just happened, and other times I feel it was another another life time ago.... Everything seems a little Paradoxical to me now..

But in thinking on this further I think I have found a possible solution to this Anomaly ... I think it all comes down to shifting my perspective for myself at the time... by looking closer at the following thoughts:

It is all too easy to view the day of the beloved's death as the culmination or climax of their life, as if that life had been an out-of-control juggernaut hurtling toward an unseen collision. Death is not culmination. It's just one day in a person's life, and generally not a very good one. You need to Believe that the time will come when you can recall the many other, better days with joy, and understand that death is only a tiny portion of life.

In Love there are no happy endings, because Love never ends!!!" "So with that DON'T WASTE A MINUTE OF THIS LIFE...When the bad emotional days come... remember LIFE is SHORT... LIFE is PRECIOUS...and THE TIME WITH OUR LOVED ONES IS A GIFT... AS WE HAVE BEEN BLESSED....

As Always I wish only to help.. Thank you for taking time to read my thoughts..

I wish you Hope and Peace when all seems darkest...

Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...


Last edited by cal821 : February 24th, 2016 at 12:34.
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