Shalom in Yeshua Cami, here is how you forgive yourself. Talk to her, and ask her to forgive you. Tell her you are sorry.
Pick a time when you want to do this and prepare by thinking only of the positive memories you have. Then light a candle and sit and talk to her. She will hear you. Once you have done this you will feel forgiven, but you have to accept that she has forgiven you. Don't have any doubts.
Let us know when yo have done this.
May God bless you