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Old July 11th, 2011, 18:05
hannahf hannahf is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: London, UK
Posts: 8
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Hi there

I hope you see this reply, as I can see you posted quite a while ago. I am sorry for your loss. I lost my Granddad too, a few weeks ago. He was 92 and in a nursing home. 2 and a half years before, he suffered a major stroke which got him there. From then on he developed dementia and slowly deteriorated. He was in great health 2 weeks before his death and he deteriorated very rapidly.

I went through so many emotions from guilt, depression, disbelief, anger, and everything. I don't know why either but the night before my Grandpa died I too felt a funny feeling that he was going to pass away.

During the last 2 weeks of his life, my sister and I would blend foods for him to eat as he lost his ability to swallow properly. Despite doing this, after his death I felt immense guilt that i just didn't do enough and I felt guilt that I was spending time away from him with my friends on some days when I knew I could have been helping him.

But I have come to realise that there was not much else I could have done, it would have happened sooner or later. He just had enough of life, he was done fighting and he fought very hard till the end. He was exhausted, and it would be selfish of us to try to stop what they wanted. So please do not feel guilty that you could have done more for him, or you could have seen him more. You did what you could, and you loved him.

Please remember all the good traits that you have inherited from him, and all the lessons you have learned. This will bring you comfort.

During the last few years of his life, I have had a number of dreams about him where he was speaking normally and doing normal things, things he could do before the stroke. I had a dream about him last night. I believe prayer and the belief in God and an afterlife brings them closer to you whether that is through dreams or memories and thoughts.

Your grandpa will guide you in life, his spirit will help you. Maybe you can learn to swim now and make him proud?

I hope you have found comfort in my words, and hope you feel stronger since you posted.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Hannah x
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