My heart breaks for your loss. Iam so sorry to hear of you losing your son.
You have come to the right place though. You are in a realm of Kindred spirits and we can all Sympathize with your deep loss.
It is indeed a deep blow for a child to pass before their parents do..
I have dealt with something similar with a good close friend but not my child.. so I can't even imagine your pain right now..
Joanna ...I did find that there was alot of things you can't control in this life and unfortunately ....No matter how long and hard you search for a reason, you won't be able to answer the "WHY" that haunts you over your son's loss.
As his mother trying to cope with his death, you probably have already experienced anger... directed at your son – "How could he do this to me?" You may have found yourself angry with God for "allowing this to happen". Your anger may be directed at yourself – "What could I have done?" or "Why wasn't I there?" or feeling a Heavy GUILT – "IF ONLY I'D DONE SOMETHING MORE" This is normal and please understand the grief process especially in your deep loss is going to sometimes be illogical and very unpredictable .
Unfortunately you will drive yourself crazy trying to find an answer. When there may not be one .. It could have been a combination of other circumstances could have precipitated suicide, or it could have been a response to a physiological depression. Your son could find no solution other than death. to end his unbearable suffering ... The reasons are individual, regardless of the generalisations about the "whys", and there may be no way you will completely understand your son's thought process at that time. Which will frustrate you forever..
The not knowing is the hardest part... Why someone would give up... Unfortunately we never will know for sure.. That makes the people left behind pain even harder to work through.
I hope you and your family are looking into counselling if it is financially available to you...You will need help to pick up the pieces and there are people who will share your sorrow and help you see things more clearly.
Again Joanna I wish you peace for your broken heart. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.
I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...
Last edited by cal821 : February 29th, 2012 at 08:12.