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Old August 9th, 2007, 08:43
luciestorrs luciestorrs is offline
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 137
Default Five stages of grief: stage one - denial

Continuing from the previous post on The Light Beyond grief blog, the first stage of grief according to the Kübler-Ross model of grieving is denial. When it comes to the death of a loved one, denial tends to be more symbolic than literal. What it doesn't mean is that you literally don't know your loved one has died.

What it does mean is that you come home and can't believe that your wife isn't going to walk in the door at any minute, or that your husband isn't just away on a business trip. Or you simply can't fathom that your child is never going to walk through that door again.

We can't believe what has happened because at this stage we actually can't believe what has happened. To fully believe at this stage would be too much. Denial, the first stage of grieving, actually helps us to survive the loss. It works subtly, giving us moments away from our pain and allowing us to pace our feelings of grief. It is nature's way of letting in only as much as we can handle.

As denial fades, it is slowly replaced with the reality of the loss. As you accept the reality of the loss and start to ask yourself questions, you are unknowingly beginning the healing process. You are becoming stronger, and the denial is beginning to fade. But as you proceed, all the feelings you were denying begin to surface. One of these is stage two: anger, which I will cover in the next few days.

Your thoughts and experiences are welcome... and of course, remember that not everyone goes through the five stages of grief. Grief is unique to each mourner and to each loss.
Lucie Storrs, creator of

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep: over 250 funeral poems, quotes and readings
If There's Anything I Can Do...: full of practical ways to help the bereaved
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Old August 11th, 2007, 10:31
Calypso Calypso is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 205

After my friend Sylvia died, I used to feel like if I went back to her home or to her place of work, I'd find her there. It just seemed totally impossible that she wasn't there, that she wasn't anywhere. Also, Sylvia's partner left Sylvia's voice on their answering machine for over a year. I used to call just to hear her voice so I could pretend she was alive again.
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