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  #1  
Old July 16th, 2012, 12:50
cami cami is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: new jersey
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Default i dont get it

I dont undetstand. Im so annoyed. Why cant I just grow up and let it go? She's gone. I cant do anything about it. I understand that she isnt angry at me for not seeing her. I know that she knew i loved her. In my heart, I know that she is fine. So why cant I stop crying? Why cant I move on? It cripples me whenever I remember her. Even now, writing this, Im so sad. Time will heal is what i keep getting said to me. Can time work a little faster?? Please...
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  #2  
Old July 16th, 2012, 15:20
cal821 cal821 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cami View Post
I dont undetstand. Im so annoyed. Why cant I just grow up and let it go? She's gone. I cant do anything about it. I understand that she isnt angry at me for not seeing her. I know that she knew i loved her. In my heart, I know that she is fine. So why cant I stop crying? Why cant I move on? It cripples me whenever I remember her. Even now, writing this, Im so sad. Time will heal is what i keep getting said to me. Can time work a little faster?? Please...
Cami.... hang in there .. the whole process of loss is in full swing.. it follows no set pattern.. some people go through things that others don't when they grieve.. The whole point is working towards coming to acceptance of the loss of your Gran and unfortunately that is going to take some time.. You are learning to live your life without her physically in it anymore.. It takes time to get used to that harsh reality. Be patient with your self ..


A suggestion... maybe if it available to you go and talk to your GP and see if he can recommend a lower dosage of antidepressant for you.. That will help take the edge off so you can learn to cope without being bombarded at everyturn.. I'm not a big advocate of throwing a pill at everything that ails you.. But I have been on antidepressants for 4 years and they have really helped get through some of the cruel dark days in my journey.......

Losing anyone is hard... and the more you loved that person the tougher it is to come to realization of their loss.. and get to a point where your heart and head become ready to accept reality and start the process of a new life without your loved one in it physically anymore..


SO go easy.. Talk to your Doctor...only you know when it is time to be ready to accept things and move into the mourning cycle of your loss.. Mourning is when the hard work comes...Grieving is about survival... They are different..
Your life has changed and so have you... now you have to decide where and when to take the next small step...

In the end you will see the whole process of loss has a weird purpose to it all.. Please if you feel up to it read some of my articles I have written in Greif recovery.. they might give you some of the tools you need to answer your own questions and to help yourself up out of the dispair you currently feel.

I wish you peace for your hurting heart and know that you are never alone here..


Cal821
__________________
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

Cal821
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  #3  
Old July 17th, 2012, 04:16
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Shalom in Yeshua Cami, and welcome back.

It is quite normal to feel sad when we think of our loved ones. That's being human!! None of us like the feeling of loss but what we do is try to think of the positives. We remember the good times, and we look forward to re-uniting with them when its our time to go home. It is something to look forward to, and something none of us can avoid.

When we cry over them, we are actually crying for ourselves. We feel the pain and we miss them. (Notice, WE feel, and WE miss) The what ifs always come to mind, and then we punish ourselves with guilt. In your case you say you have forgiven yourself, but deep down I can see that you still harbour these feelings, otherwise you would have let her go by now.

Your grandmother is happier than she could ever have been on earth and you should think of her bathing in the loving rays of the Father. If you try to do this you should start to feel happier about where she is. Then start looking forward to the day you can put your arms around each other again.

May God bless you
Tom
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  #4  
Old July 26th, 2012, 14:34
cami cami is offline
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You're right. I dont forgive myself. I dont really know how. Im trying. I realize she wouldn't want me suffering. But its hard whenever i remember her voice. I can not turn back time and do the things i feel i should have. I understand this. I just feel so bad knowing she passed without seeing me for so long. She wanted to so badly and I couldnt bring myself to just get past my stupidity to just get over there.
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  #5  
Old July 27th, 2012, 05:00
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Shalom in Yeshua Cami, here is how you forgive yourself. Talk to her, and ask her to forgive you. Tell her you are sorry.

Pick a time when you want to do this and prepare by thinking only of the positive memories you have. Then light a candle and sit and talk to her. She will hear you. Once you have done this you will feel forgiven, but you have to accept that she has forgiven you. Don't have any doubts.

Let us know when yo have done this.

May God bless you
Tom
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  #6  
Old August 2nd, 2012, 14:49
heavenlygirl heavenlygirl is offline
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Oh honey - it's not about growing up, trust me. I am forty and I still cry over the loss of my grandmother. When someone is a part of your life, an integral part of your life, there's no set time limit for you to move forward and get on with things. Grief doesn't work that way. It took me a solid year before I started to feel okay and almost two years before I could visit her gravesite. I carry some of her ashes with me in my car and that helps. But cut yourself some slack. It is going to take time and you'll have your good days and your bad.
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