Genetic Concerns

[SageMother]

One of the issues that drops up when someone you are related to is dying, is the concern that it might be something that you might have to face yourself.

After guilt, I think this is the hardest aspect of long standing illness to deal with.

[Calypso]

Nobody talks much about this one, SageMother, but you're absolutely right. Some fatal diseases have a genetic component. Others, like Huntington's, are completely determined by the genes. It makes perfect sense to be fearful about whether we, or our children, or our other relatives will fall prey to the illness that is taking our loved one.

[SageMother]

I think that is why you will see people stay away from a relative who is ill with a fatal genetic disorder. People tend to misinterpret the distance is lack of care, and then mistakenly try to talk the relative who isn't ill, into visiting the relative who is.

That has to create an added layer of guilt to a situation that already has far too many complications.

[Calypso]

I've seen that happen, the guilt-tripping.

By and large, I think people are way too quick to judge the motives of people losing a loved one in *any* situation--I've actually seen married couples split up over this. If there was one thing I wish everyone knew about grief, it's this: Everyone copes with loss and pain a little differently, and just because one person doesn't cope the way you or I might doesn't mean their loss isn't real and that they aren't really grieving.

[echos]

Good point. I also have seen couples break up over the disease that one of them is facing.

[victell]

It is always very scary to look at this, especially when you might have the same disease at some point in the future. The main thing though is that you can't do anything about it and being supportive to those who need it is what you need to do. It is also best if you have someone you can confide in and talk to about your fears.