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Old April 25th, 2012, 11:01
pixielix83 pixielix83 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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Default Lost my only sibling Danny boy

It's my first visit to this site. I am not really sure what I am looking for but I'm pretty sure I need some sort of outlet for this horrible pain I'm living with or I might implode. It's coming up to the four year anniversary in May. About a month ago I started to get really anxious and couldn't be around people, having to leave work early I retreated to my home and tried to make myself feel safe. I often would drink in the day, I just wanted an escape. That all changed when I started to go to the gym regularly and really thinking about what foods would help to keep me strong in body and in mind with this horrible date starting to loom over me.

It doesn't matter what I do though my body always seems to remind me about the pain that I'm in. I keep waking early with a panicky feeling, I have horrible vivid nightmares and then just play over the event over and over again while I'm awake, it's exhausting. I have started getting headaches and feeling sick, I'm not sure if it's all linked but I just generally don't feel right and I'm really worried I'm headed for a breakdown or something. I try so hard to keep myself from sinking, I have started my own little craft business and do alot of exercise but nothing seems to work. I just feel listless, like I'm drifting along with no real purpose or energy to fight anymore.

I guess I wanted to hear from other people who have lost a sibling or their only sibling like I have. I feel under enormous pressure to be all things my parents have lost, I try and be the joker like Danny was, I worry that I am their only hope for grandchildren and I'm not even sure I want them. I feel like this headache I have is all the pressure of all things I'm dealing with pressing down on me. I'm loosing the will to fight it off.

I hope I can bring something to other people who are going through things when I am further down this road to recovery but right now I just need some help and support. x
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  #2  
Old April 25th, 2012, 12:30
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi pixielix i am so sorry for your loss and the grief you are going through and i pray you may get the help you need on this site have you had any councelling at all if not have been trying to cope on your own it may be you need some extra help i think you are putting yourself under extra pressure trying to be everything to everybody and it can't be done in using anniversaries as a benchmark is probably building up more tension in your mind but it's hard to eliminate dates every day must be tough for you but what you have been doing is remarkable in how you have coped in surviving your loss and you have done well i think as we look back to the day our loved one passed away we tend to go over and over it all and forget that their passing is gone that day is gone that second is gone their pain is gone it's still not happening and the loved one is really happy in heaven at peace no pain no worries and in Gods care and if you get to really feel and believe this you may get some peace for one day you will meet again
i can't say i have been in you tragic situaton but people on this site i am sure will talk to you we have all suffered here grief is grief and with all our love we will stand with you thinking of you hazel
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  #3  
Old April 26th, 2012, 05:14
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Northwest England
Posts: 534
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Shalom in Yeshua Pixielix, Welcome to the forum.

I am sorry that you are still suffering the loss of your brother Danny. I suspect the reason for this is that your didn't deal with your loss at the time. You may have felt that you had to put on a brave face, keeping the old stiff upper lip for everyone else, while inside you were really hurting.

What you have to do is deal with it. You can do this now. You have to open up your heart and start talking about Danny to your family and friends. Now I realise your family and friends may have moved on by now, so here is where to talk. It wasn't by accident that you found this site, so use it and use us to help you.

Start at the beginning, and tell us what happened to him, how he passed over and what you did at the time. We are all anonymous here but all share one thing the loss of loved ones. We know how you feel because we have all been there. We know the pain you have and we know how we found ways to strengthen ourselves as we work through the grief.

You are a unique individual created just as you are. So don't try to be something your not just to please others. Just be yourself.

I have already said a prayer for you to be comforted and healed and do hope that you will tell us more about Danny.

May God bless you
Tom
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