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Old March 3rd, 2012, 15:07
BB820 BB820 is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3
Default Moving on

I have a family situation that I am not sure how to react/respond to.

A little info first;
This was my 2nd husband to pass, 1st from a heart attack and the last one from cancer.

After the death of the 1st husband I kept everything of his, started drinking heavily and made some very bad decisions while under the influence. This time around I was not going to make the same mistakes. I had 6 mos to get used to the idea I was going to be alone again. Lots of time to think about things.

He had a son and grandchildren from a previous marriage, that lived a 6 hr ride away. The son was here for the week prior to his death, as hospice had told us the end would come in the next week.
My husband had given away all the items he wanted his son and grandchildren to have, to them. Clothes, fishing and golf items. All that was left was items of no more use to the family. The son was also taking all the furniture that belonged to his parents while they were married. I had no problem with that.

So my story is,

The day of his death hospice came and took his hospital bed which emptied out his room.

The day after his death my brother and his significant other flew in from Texas to spend the next week with me so I was not alone. My 2 girls live far enough away that that they could not be with me that long. I needed a bed and room for my brother to stay in (we live in a rural area where motels are nonexistent) so I gave them my queen bed to use. I was able to find a single bed that day from a dear friend and would sleep in the room my husband passed in. That alone was hard to deal with.

One of my daughters was with the day after his passing and the day my brother was to arrive, with nothing to do that day while waiting for them to arrive, we proceeded to pack away the rest of my husband's clothing. It was something I didn't want to do alone. With my daughter keeping some items for rememberace for herself. Those items I gave away to the Salvation Army. Now I had someplace to put my clothes for the next week while my brother was here and not have to look at my deceased husband's every day.

Now, the day of visitation and the day of the funeral, his siblings had nothing to do with me, the tension in the air you could cut with a knife.
It has been 3 months and they still are not talking to me.

My questions is

"Was I wrong in disposing of his cloths so soon after his death." and are they being too judgmental? I have a few items still that I want to keep, 2 sisters have lost husbands years ago (6 and 18 yrs) and still have their spouses clothing.

Your thoughts are really appreciated and will help me get through this one way or another.
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Old March 4th, 2012, 06:00
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Northwest England
Posts: 534

Shalom in Yeshua BB820, Welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear about the passing of your husband and the relationship problems it has caused with his children, and thank you for sharing so much information with us.

Sadly what you describe tends too be all to common when a parent dies, and goes home. Family members gather sometimes just to see what's in it for them. I have witnessed sisters fighting over worthless 'trinkets' and a niece of an uncle taking everything that wasn't nailed down.

What you have done in disposing of his clothing is right for you. I fail to see from what you have said why they have taken exception to this, unless it has opened up wounds from the past when you and your husband got together. This also sadly happens far too often, but from what you have said appears to be the case.

You don't need this sort of atmosphere especially at this sad time. As they had nothing to do with you beforehand, it is unlikely they will have anything to do with you afterward. Just put the funeral down to 'one of those things' you had to be in their company for the last time, and then mourn your husband the way you want to.

May God bless you
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Old March 4th, 2012, 14:40
BB820 BB820 is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3

Thanks for the advise and support.

People can be so cruel at a time they should be offering support.

Thank You

Last edited by BB820 : March 6th, 2012 at 21:16.
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Old March 6th, 2012, 07:56
hamilton hamilton is offline
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Iowa
Posts: 97

I think you said it best: they are being worse than judgmental; they are being cruel. How disgusting.

As for getting rid of his clothes, that is your right and frankly to heck with anyone who disagrees. If anyone wanted anything of his that badly they should have said so or arranged it with him beforehand.

Not sure I'm following on your concern about the bills-? Anyway I wish you the best with all of this.
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Old March 6th, 2012, 21:14
BB820 BB820 is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3

Thank you for your support.
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