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Old May 24th, 2012, 13:45
daniel daniel is offline
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Join Date: May 2012
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Last edited by daniel : June 22nd, 2012 at 20:52.
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Old May 24th, 2012, 14:49
gumek gumek is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 746
Smile here to listen

hello Dan, welcome love, you have come to a good place where there are many friends who will read your post and try and help you in some small way.

We all have lost our loves and have many unaswered questions, some have lost someone who was too young to die, others like yourself, mums dads and grans, whatever their ages were it still hurts beyond belief, and we have to try and continue our lives without them in the physical sense, and that is hard to do, i'm not going to say that it will be easy, we all go through bereavement in different ways at different paces, so you will find your own individual way.

May i say something about your lovely grandad, no one knows why he suffered so much, it sounds like he was very much the head of the family and it is possible for a person to have such a strong will to stay in this life because they want to continue to be there watching over and protecting their families. You did mention that grandad was in the war, he may have suffered damage to his lungs then, also many people of his generation lived in damp surroundings and had weak chests as a result, i have.
You are concerned that grandad be in a better place at peace, i can assure you that he and granma are now together and probably still watching over you all, probably even making suggestions to the heavenly host on all your behalves.

It may help you to seek help with regard to the memory of seeing grandad so sick if your sleep patterns continue to be disturbed, it also may help you to write everything down, a letter to yourself, let the tears and anger come out. To some extent we all feel some guilt when we lose someone we love,
and the talking things through will help you to offload it. Another member on this forum by the title of Cal has recently written a couple of posts that may help you greatly. There are a group of friends who daily read the posts and in time will support you, some of us pray for each other as well as listen, you won't be judged here either, we all know the pain and hurt of loss.

Please keep intouch, i hope that what i have written dosen't upset you in any way, i'm sorry to meet you this way, but am glad to. chrissie.
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Old May 24th, 2012, 17:17
cal821 cal821 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 477
Default Welcome Dan

Dan, I have read your posts here in this subforum.. I agree with Chrissie .. But if I might add. I think what you might be suffereing from in regards to the dreams and bad memories coming back to you in the final days for your grandfather.. Sounds like a form of PTSD or a form of ... Post traumatic stress disorder.. All of us who lose anyone we are truly close to go through it to some degree.. It all depends on how you are processing and coping in your grief cycle.

I just wanted to say the funny thing about the grief cycle ... We experience only as much sadness as is necessary for our feelings to adjust as far as they can at any one time, then the feeling stops.

When we have become used to that amount of change and loss, the unconscious lets us feel a bit more, and so on, until we have fully absorbed the whole significance of the loss. Hence probably remembering of your grandpa's final days and any other related family losses from the past..

As humans our Psyche plays many tricks on us.. to move us along and deal with matters we find too painful to face.. one way or another we have to face or grief and go through it to fully experience the huge life lesson it brings.

Coming here is a small step in many for you as you can write, rant, scream , and speak freely... you will never be judged for it here..

This is a place of kindred spirits and here you can find the information you need to help you heal.. keep talking .. that is the best thing you can do for yourself as it moves you through your pain..

I wish you peace

Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

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Old May 24th, 2012, 18:14
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,144

hi dan i am so sorry for your loss on reading your thread it gave me a feeling of what a wonderful loving family you have and all that love has been handed down to you all through your nanand granddad in a way who we are is partly on how we are bought up so as i feel all the love you have for them all your grief and your caring personality i know they were special people
it's sad that we all have to accept the inevitable that our loved ones die and now you have had to face the reality of this it makes us face our own mortality and it can be frightening but you must believe they have gone to a better place all the love and memories they have left with you their love will remain with you forever it is difficult to understand why loved ones suffer in a dreadful illness but God has released them both from the suffering pain is something they will never feel again they are hand in hand reunited together with joy and happiness in heaven
there is one thing that this heartbreaking experience will leave you with and it's a greater understanding of others grief each experience good and bad we encounter makes us the people we are you are already a good nice caring person and this will give you a gift of comforting others who have to travel down this sad road of loss
you saw the sun come out after grand dad died and took it as a sign like i did as i left the hospital after my darren died there was a rainbow i know and i feel it that there is a way they all show us some comfort to let us know they are happy it comes in different ways others feel it when they sit and talkto them in the evenings and after feel at peace so i know their love comes shining through
try to be happy that is what they wanted for you and look back on your life find those memories with a smile as they were good and they are there to treasure all your life
you say this has made you question life and religion well God loves you look to all you have god blessed you with this loving family
i hope gradually the days get easier for you all it will take time i know you will all find the comfort you need in one another thinking of you hazel
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