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Old November 19th, 2012, 12:26
cal821 cal821 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 477
Default "Exploring the "F" Word --Familiarity"

The main premise the post is to raise questions within yourself if you are struggling ....

No one should have to suffer for years needlessly... Some people maybe getting a payoff from the suffering.. punishing themselves with guilt or shame.. there has to be a reason to not moving towards acceptance of your world as it is........... not how you would like it to be..


I wish not to offend anyone .... By Raising Questions.... This post is not meant to be inflamitory in nature....


As Always.... I wish only to help.... We are all in the same boat here ...All trying to find meaning and purpose after our loss... The path is long and Arduous for all of us..




What you practice is what you get good at!

Life and Logic itself makes constant reference to the fact that one must grieve and complete their relationship to their pain. Lacking grief recovery skills, grievers often begin to identify themselves by the pain they have experienced. In a relatively short time, the griever becomes familiar with that painful identity. The griever may also develop a very strong loyalty to the now familiar pain. No one wants to give up things they own or feel very familiar with.

What you practice is what you get good at!

In a society that does not encourage or support effective grief recovery actions, it is typical for grievers to find themselves isolating from friends, family, and co-workers. In an attempt to escape the very real sense of being judged or criticized for having the normal feelings caused by loss, the griever may begin to avoid all people or events that might lead to having to defend their feelings or to act as if they were recovered. The griever becomes very familiar with and loyal to the isolation that seems to protect them.

What you practice is what you get good at!

We have been taught, incorrectly, that grievers want and need to be alone. We have been taught, incorrectly, that grievers do not want to talk about the losses they have experienced. The griever, caught between the treatment they receive from well intentioned friends and their own fears, begins to become very familiar with being alone.

What you practice is what you get good at!

In the end the identified pain, isolation, and loneliness are highly probable areas of familiarity for grieving people. It is tragic when a griever, already struggling with the normal and natural emotions caused by loss, is further limited by some habits that do not enhance or encouraging completion and recovery from significant emotional loss.

Familiar is not necessarily good, it is only familiar. Comfortable is not necessarily good, it is often just familiar. The old cliché, “better the devil I know then the devil I don’t know,” almost explains our loyalty to the familiarity of pain, isolation, and loneliness. Change can be difficult and awkward at the best of times, and it is clearly difficult for grieving people for whom the whole universe may seem upside down.

It is essential that we begin to become familiar with actions, skills, and behaviors that will lead to successful recovery from significant emotional losses. It does not require any more energy to practice helpful things than unhelpful ones. The internet is an excellent source for appropriate and effective grief recovery tools that can lead to completion of familiar behaviors or beliefs that are not helping us improve our lives. “Familiarity can create a powerful illusion that change is not necessary, that growth is not possible.” You must fight off the illusion of comfort caused by familiarity. It is not your nature to live a life of pain, isolation, and loneliness. It is your nature to be loving and lovable, trusting and trustable. Practicing the principles of grief recovery will help you become familiar with your natural ability to be happy.

What you practice is what you get good at!


Thank you for taking time to read my post..


Cal821
__________________
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

Cal821

Last edited by cal821 : December 3rd, 2015 at 16:43.
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