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Old October 14th, 2007, 12:31
DCMerkle DCMerkle is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Towson, Md
Posts: 6
Default How did you help someone to say good-bye to a loved one?

I had never had any experience with hospices's, so when my father-in-law was ready for one I was really surprised to see just how liberal they were for the patient and the family. I guess that the staff has seen it all and nothing has them raising eyebrows.

When my father-in-law was sick and later he told us he was dying, I knew that his son, my hubby, needed to move towards the good-bys. They both were never the type for hugs or pats on the back, but they had their ways to let each other know that they cared for each other. There was a bond there even if it wasn't the traditional kind. They joked and shared things in life that had me blushing or rolling my eyes at times.

The night that my father-in-law was moved from the hospital to the hospice, we were all there waiting for him. When the ambulance pulled up to the front of the building, I stepped back into the building and waited with the rest of the family until the stretcher was brought in. John was hesitant in following the stretcher to his room. I walked with him down the hall. We waited until he had been transferred and settled into his bed and then we went in. I could tell that Walt had already been started on the morphine for the pain. I stepped back out of the room to let John have time with his Dad.

John came out a little later and there was tears in his eyes. He told me that his father had made raspberries at him and made "that face" at him. I knew that Walt had in his own ways had just said good-by to his son and to let him know that everything was going to be alright. Our daughter stayed at the hospice that night with her grandfather until our son came in to let her go home for a couple of hours.

We all met back at the hospice that evening. John stood outside of the building on the porch. My sister-in-law and I went back to sit with Walt. His breathing was becoming very labored and slow and I knew that the time was near. Kelly, our daughter had just walked into the room as Walt drew his last breath. She ran back up the hall to get her father.

Now I know that if anyone else had been in that room, they wouldn't have understood what John did next when he came back in. His made raspberries and "that face" to his father. It was John's way of telling his dad good-by as well. The nurse was in the room and she witnessed what John had done. She smiled and quietly left the room.

How was it for anyone else?

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Old March 26th, 2008, 07:35
Nicola Nicola is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 109

My dad died of cancer in a hospital in November 07.

We got the phone call to get to the hospital straight away so my mum, my two sisters, me , my husband and my sisters boyfriend all went straight away.

We all sat round his bed and to be honest, we were just numb. My dad was the only boy so we called all his sisters to come and say goodbye and that was everyone he would have wanted.

This was 3am and i just cried and inside me head i was willing him to leave us because he was in no fit state to live. My dad was catholic so the priest came and gave him the last rites and as he was doing it, i say a tiny tear coming out of his eye. He obviously knew what was doing on and could hear us so i decided that his last few hours would be fun.

To this day, i dont know how i done it but we laughed and joked and told funny stories until we went. This sounds strange but it was a nice time.

My middle sister always said that she could bet that my dad would wait until she left the room and pass away then. It was around 10:40am and everyone except my mum, me and my Aunt Betty had went for a coffee in the canteen. My Aunt said " has John's colour changed ? " I looked and he changed colour to going paler to purple to black in the matter of seconds and i just ran out of the room and called for a nurse. One of my aunts ran to get my sisters and my husband.

In the meantime, the nurse had told my mum that he was gone, my sisters ran up and i stopped my younger one from going in as she was just 18 and i didnt want her seeing my dad all black. So for the first time in my life, i had to tell someone that someone had died.

As soon as i had broke the news my other sister came out of the room and said " well he's not dead, he's breathing "

He had came back to life !!!

So me, mum and my sisters went back in and told him that we loved him and stuff and he died ( again ), my sisters and i walked out the room as we didnt want to look at him dead so my husband went in and sat with my mum. The nurse confirmed that he had passed when my mum asked my husband to double check ( no idea why as he is not a medical professional ). So my husband leaned over to check his pulse , as he did that, my dad started breathing again !!!

My husband almost had a heart attack and said " my god, he's like the energiser bunny, he's not stopping "

And then my husband swears there was a slight smile on my dads face when he finally passed for the 3rd and final time.

Sorry for the rambling but once i got started i couldnt stop !!!
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Old February 4th, 2010, 14:56
meltonsgirl2 meltonsgirl2 is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1
Default Losing my mother

I am losing my mother after taking care of her for two years she has lived with me for 6 years. I am noy just losing my mom but my best friend. Hospice has came in and the nurse I have is wonderful. My sisters and brothers who has not been much help thinks I should tell my mom it will be okay for her to go be with my dad. I just took two months off school so I can do everything she needs. I try not to let her see me cry but it is hard when that is about all I do. I will not leave her side for anything. What am I to do I do not want her to die but I also do not want her to suffer. I know when she does go to be with God my life will be a wreck for a long time but I also have two children that need me and I do not want to neglect them. Any one with advice I would appreciate
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Old July 16th, 2012, 07:21
heavenlygirl heavenlygirl is offline
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 51

I had to travel cross country to say good-bye to my grandmother when she was dying. What was so hard was that she seemed fine but had stopped producing red blood cells. She would get a transfusion and seem like her old self which on the one hand made the time we spent together so wonderful but on the other hand made it difficult to reconcile that she was dying. She died two weeks after I went home. Saying good-bye to her in the hospital, hugging her for the last time and knowing it was bittersweet. I treasure those moments. I am so sorry for what you are going through!
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Old September 11th, 2013, 03:02
Aalia Nebhan Aalia Nebhan is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 4

i'm sorry for Ur loss, i send wishes for your loved one, U, and your family members during this period.

there was a quotation somebody informed me about in an eastern spiritual book, 'never was there a time that i did not are present, nor u, nor in the upcoming shall we stop to be'. in our traditions we think the soul is eternal and that we will see our liked ones again.

when u think much better, take note of all of the good things u remember about him, all of the suggestions, all the experiences and things u did together and create it into one thing like a journal/album that u can share with your own children and other young individuals in your family, so that his memory and family members history can stay on in the next-gen.
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